


Lost Beyond the Comfort Zone

by sakuatsimp



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Feels, Denial, Fate & Destiny, Longing, Love Triangles, M/M, Pining, Regrets, Soulmates, Temporarily Unrequited Love, childhood bonds, mistaken soulmate, the art of acceptance and letting go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-13 23:01:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28661391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakuatsimp/pseuds/sakuatsimp
Summary: In a luggage full of belongings, which one weighs heavier? The one Kiyoomi needs?Or the one Kiyoomi wants?
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Miya Osamu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 5
Kudos: 35
Collections: SakuAtsuAngstWeek





	Lost Beyond the Comfort Zone

**Author's Note:**

> Hiii! This is my first SakuAtsu fic. I apologize for the errors. I tried my best. I hope you'd like it!

“But Omi, I want you…”

“You can’t.”

He craves him like the first drop of water after every rigorous volleyball training. He still cherishes him like the last bite of umeboshi from the finest, well-known brand. He’s willing to go broke just to get another one; and more of it. Kiyoomi is the taste of varying flavours lingering on the edges of Atsumu’s mouth. His sweet smiles, his salty remarks, and even his sour expressions—Atsumu _savoured_ all of them. 

And _oh._ Osamu did, too...

Because they both _loved_ Sakusa Kiyoomi.

_______

Atsumu has been staring at his reflection for an excruciatingly long time. He examined himself from head to toe. He looks striking with his neatly slicked butter blonde hair. His necktie is perfectly made, his black suit flawlessly hugs his well-proportioned body. 

He’s handsome, isn’t he? He’s gorgeous, he’s talented, and he has so much passion to give. 

_So why was he never enough?_

Almost everyone kept saying he’s blessed. He’s blessed for a reason that isn’t about his figure, his ability, and his status at the moment.

_It’s Osamu._

_Ahh...that’s why._

Atsumu gulped a whole shot of bitterness and almost gasped when the warm lump jammed in his throat. 

It’s a lot to take. _A whole lot._ All his defeats stabbed him on the back like a traitor waiting to catch him defenseless. 

He imagines Cerberus waiting at the gates of his labyrinth; each of the three heads preventing his heart, mind, and soul from leaving the inferno of his creation.

His gaze lifted to meet his dreadful stares. 

Everything is set. He’s done every preparation he considered important; _except his heart._ Not that he deems it significant, though. Not the heart that has been denied, shattered and dumped by the one he doted on. 

Is he ready? 

_NO_. The fatigued and dreary eyes screamed the answer for him. 

He's not ready to accept the reality before him and have it tear him skin to bone.

Atsumu sighs. He inhaled all his last count of courage with a strong scent of burning coal turning into ashes and exhaled all his pent up agony with bleak evaporating mists. 

His phone rings. Once, twice, and a few more times. He doesn't have a tad of intent to answer it, but he knows what the consequence will be if he didn't pick up. The mistake of not taking chances. Atsumu learned it the hard way. 

Above all, regret dominates after the chances we never seized. If wanting someone as elusive as Kiyoomi is a crime, then Atsumu has committed a felony.

And he’s _ready_ to surrender.

"Atsumu, where are you? Everyone’s been waiting for you." Suna's voice echoed in his room. He remained silent. 

He wonders how a luggage was made to be able to endure the weight of belongings. The loads that are carried out of needs, wants, or both wants and needs. They're different yet the same. 

Can one person handle its weight? Or will they all suffocate? 

Atsumu and Osamu were different yet the same. Atsumu loved volleyball a little more and Osamu loved to make food a little more.

But they both _loved_ Sakusa Kiyoomi. 

"You know this day is _important_ , right? They need you here. _He_ needs you here. So please come, Atsumu," Suna implored. 

Atsumu dropped the call. He _knows_ . They need him there. Their family, their teammates, and both Kiyoomi and Osamu themselves—they all expect Atsumu to come. But he _doesn’t_ want to. He couldn't bear the fact that no matter how much he wanted Kiyoomi, he would always keep choosing Osamu ‘til the end. 

He darted on the digital clock beside a small frame sitting on his dusty side table. 

_Thursday, 3:00 pm._

Today is _the_ _day_ , huh? 

Atsumu seals his eyes as tight as he could to stop whatever's threatening to come out. He won't acknowledge it. He won't even recognize it, 'cause if he does, he's never gonna let it go. 

He knew he couldn't rely on himself at 3 am. But at this point, his 3 pm self doesn't feel so familiar either. 

_'These goddamn tears better not betray me,'_ Atsumu cursed in mind. 

He clutched his phone after Suna’s call, reckoning to crush it with his own hands like how the words had shredded his soul and tugged him straight to damnation.

_“Atsumu, I'm engaged. You can’t...you can’t do this.”_

Atsumu looks deterred. His lips parted as if words are begging to spill out yet his voice stayed mute.

 _"Don't see me again. I'm getting married soon. So please...stop."_ Sakusa seemed so afflicted.

_“I want you...”_

_“You can’t.”_ Kiyoomi spat crystal— decision, solid and compact. 

His crystals blindingly reflected the glint of Atsumu's raindrops. 

He doesn't hear him. Atsumu's scope concentrated on the man he devoted himself to. The center of his labyrinth, the relief in his shambles, the elucidation of his passion. 

Sakusa Kiyoomi: the one he yearns for at the end of the day— _no, not even._ He yearns for him ever since the inception of the beginning. It’s the second his pair of caramel eyes set on the other’s abysmal pair of pools. Atsumu understood that the moment he got himself ensnared in that chasm, he’s never getting out. 

He loved it there. And he always will— _for eternity_. 

He adored Sakusa Kiyoomi more than anything else in his world. 

To his dismay, Kiyoomi denied him every chance he could get. Kiyoomi is the wave that crawls onshore, taking shells along, and leaves them on the shoreline as he recedes offshore.

He comes, then he goes. He _never_ stayed. He gives Atsumu his pieces but never his all. Atsumu treasured every piece nonetheless. 

Atsumu dedicated himself to everything he does. He earned every drop—of passion, respect, and hard work— to be deserving of what he has now.

But why doesn't he still have Kiyoomi?

Why was he _never_ enough?

_“No, Atsumu. You’re enough—more than enough, even. But you’re...too much for me.”_

_Ahh...that’s why._

It’s not that Atsumu was lacking. He was _too_ much.

Atsumu’s strong and broad shoulders rise and fall as he arrives at the place he least imagined himself to be. 

Sets of hooded stares laid on him but his gaze remained unrestrained. He eyed them with lethargy. He can’t pretend anymore. Not here, not in front of them—his brother, his parents, and _him_.

Atsumu felt Suna’s sympathy from where he was standing as if he’s looking at a tragic portrait. And it’s so _fitting_. Atsumu’s aura laced with poignancy compliments the bouquet in Osamu’s hands. 

The end of today is the end of his hopes. It’s game over and Atsumu has lost miserably. 

He resisted his twin’s gaze. Both of their parents stood behind Osamu; their mom clinging on Osamu’s right arm, and their dad patting him on his back. The sight alone impelled a pang of pain to Atsumu. 

“Tsumu, you came...” Osamu’s tone was meshed with concern. He _knows_ , right? Osamu _should've_ at least noticed his twin’s fondness for his fianće. 

A curve arose at the side of Atsumu’s lips, mocking himself on his defeat. The destiny he believed to be a spectacle was actually a burlesque. No theatre-worthy romance story, just…a comical mockery. No happy ending at all.

‘Cause happy endings are a _fraud_. 

“I’m...it’s okay, I’ll just...” Atsumu gritted his teeth and cursed under his breath. He doesn’t know how to face them. 

_‘Atsumu, keep yer shit together,’_ He muttered to himself.

If destiny was his ally, then why did Kiyoomi choose Osamu over him? Unanswered questions keep coming back like the vision of Kiyoomi’s fading shadow at night.

It’s _haunting_ Atsumu. It took away his peace of mind, his comfort, his sanity. Every time the clock strikes the peak of midnight, Atsumu knows he’s a stranger to himself again. The stranger who gives life to his fantasies.

He’s a **_fool_ ** _._

At any given time of the day, he dreams of having Kiyoomi in his arms, all exposed and bare before his sight. There’s something so splendour about being completely _naked_ to somebody. It’s entrusting them your entirety. It’s allowing them to see your weakness, your greatest fears, your darkest secrets—and letting them touch your _soul_. It's the fervour of craving for someone’s warmth and soothing your worries; putting your weary existence to rest. And Atsumu permits Kiyoomi to dwell in him.

As long as he _lives_ , Kiyoomi _lives_ ; and vice versa.

Atsumu recalls his earlier days where life seemed so basic, he could live forever. Who needs memories when he can always live in the moment—right now, with _his_ Sakusa Kiyoomi? 

______  
  


_“Tsumu, remember? He told me I’m his soulmate when we were younger.”_ Osamu’s eyes were glowing like fireflies entrapped in a jar. _“D’ya think he’d really spend his lifetime with me?”_

Atsumu swallowed. _Oh, right._ He’s Osamu’s Sakusa Kiyoomi. 

His lips twitched as he forced a smile and replied, _“He’s Omi, ‘Samu. Ya know he’s a man of his words.”_ He reassured his twin.

 _Man of his words? Hah._ Atsumu wished Kiyoomi was a pretty little liar so he could continue being in denial. 

_______

A new horizon was formed when Atsumu faced the familiar, piercing gaze which sent a thousand bolts of electricity racing down his spine. The Jackals welcomed Kiyoomi into the team with open arms and Atsumu was skeptical of being near him once again.

He’s supposed to feel ecstatic right now. He’s always wished to set for him. Atsumu’s younger self has _yearned_ to be with him at all times.

And _of course_ , his older self isn’t any different either.

He craves him like the first drop of water after every rigorous volleyball training. He still cherishes him like the last bite of umeboshi from the finest, well-known brand. He’s willing to go broke just to get another one; and more of it. Kiyoomi is the taste of varying flavours lingering on the edges of Atsumu’s mouth. His sweet smiles, his salty remarks, and even his sour expressions—Atsumu _savoured_ all of them. 

But he...he’s not like the last stock of pudding on the shelf that he could fight Osamu for. Osamu may be a dick sometimes but he’s _shared_ , if not _given_ , almost everything with Atsumu their whole life. And he doesn't have the guts to hurt his twin over his _mere_ happiness. 

Kiyoomi grabbed a volleyball and started practicing his serves. Atsumu, still frozen in the corner, gawked at the way his wrist flicked and how his fingers turned stiff before he spiked.

_How does it feel to get draped in warmth by his strong arms? To have those slender digits slip the fringe behind my ear? To lean my cheek against his chest?_

How does it feel to be adored by _the_ Sakusa Kiyoomi? Atsumu was left with wonders. If he could only trade anything to get his affection, _he will._ Unfortunately, there’s so much price to pay. 

He couldn't help but gape at how the other’s form has improved; more refined, more graceful and dignified. He’s breathtakingly phenomenal, _as always._

Atsumu’s breath hitched as he urged himself to look away. He took deep breaths to calm himself down.

“Samu, ya _lucky_ prick.” He smiled bitterly.

“Kiyoomi!” 

_Sakusa’s_ line of thought cut short when he heard a familiar voice. He spotted Osamu waving at him from the entrance of the gym. 

_Kiyoomi_ can see Atsumu’s stolen glances from his peripheral view. He hesitatingly walked towards Osamu and greeted him, “Hey.”

“ _Love_.”

 _Miya_. Kiyoomi’s heart skips a beat whenever he hears the name, _Miya_ . Whenever he speaks the name, _Miya._ But _two_ people dear to him hold the same name, _Miya._ So the question is... _which Miya?_

 _Atsumu_ instantly veered around to practice his tosses when Osamu wrapped his arms around Kiyoomi’s neck. Kiyoomi closed his eyes and his shoulders dropped after a hasty exhale.

He’s _calm._ He’s at peace whenever Osamu’s around. He feels all firm and stable from Osamu’s hold. He’s tranquil...but _void._ He’s a quiet neighbourhood from a remote town—serene yet desolate. And Osamu’s the soothing gust of wind in his cold winter blues. 

Osamu provides _comfort_ so he could keep himself under control. 

And Kiyoomi _loves_ control.

He only loses his composure when—

“Ack! Tsumtsum!” Bokuto’s yelp resonated in each corner of the gym when a ball knocked his head.

Atsumu paused from dribbling a volleyball. “Sorry, Bokkun!” He tittered and gave him a _peace_ sign while sticking his tongue out. Bokuto just cackled in response. 

Osamu smiled. “That clumsy dumbass,” he said, pertaining to his bright-haired clone. 

Atsumu’s radiant, smiling face appeared in Kiyoomi’s mind. He forcibly hurled his thoughts out of the window. 

_Shit._

When did this even start? _He doesn't know._ How did this even start? _Kiyoomi can’t remembe_ —

“Anyways, I brought ya some umeboshi, yer favourite. And ‘Tsumu didn't eat much this morning so I also brought him food. Tell ‘im to eat or I’ll stop making him tuna onigiri forever.” Osamu extended a lunch box. Kiyoomi couldn’t quite catch what he’s saying when he recollected something. Something so crucial. The reason why he’s in this confusion. 

_Ahh..._ that’s right. It’s because of _his_ umeboshi, isn’t it?

_______

_“Kiyoomi-kun, you see this tree?”_ the youngest of the Sakusa siblings eyed the beautiful plum tree across him.

Kiyoomi’s grandparents owned a plum farm. They sell both pickled and fresh plums once they get harvested. 

_“We planted this on the day your mother gave birth to you that’s why it’s so special, so dear to me. Just like you, ”_ his grandmother explained delicately as she watches the eight-year-old Kiyoomi’s innocent eyes dilate. 

In the core of the farm stood a rare plum tree. For 8 _long_ years, the tree hasn’t borne a single fruit. 

_“Kiyo...omi…u-ume...mine?”_ he asked with a hopeful tone. Kiyoomi’s lips stretched from a pout to a suppressed smile.

Is it really for _him_ ? Did grandma really think he’s _special?_

He tried to restrain his glee, but the idea of having something you can call your own sounds _pleasing_ to him.

His grandma nodded softly. _“There was a saying about rare plum trees like this one. Every once in a while, a rare plum tree gets planted and doesn’t bear fruit for 10 years. And once it does, it produces the healthiest plums and one of them, the most luscious is the heart. Your heart, Kiyoomi-kun.”_

_“Heart…?”_

_“Yes, my dear. And whoever gets to have the heart and taste its sweetness is the one destined to be with you; the one to spend your lifetime with.”_ his grandma displayed the warmest smile Kiyoomi has ever received. 

_“I’ll wait, gramma. I will, ”_ he spoke in a gentle voice.

Kiyoomi didn't get it the first time his grandma told him about it, but he finds himself coming back to the rare tree. He visited, he lingered. He persisted because _he’s a man of his words._

Heart. Destiny. _Soulmate?_ Thinking about it makes him wanna push the hands of time and skip to the future just to see who he’ll spend his lifetime with. 

He waited, _and waited._

After 3 years, Kiyoomi gasped when he finally sighted the buds from the tree. He jumped a few before composing himself and plastered his “normal face.”

 _“Calm down, Kiyoomi, calm down,”_ he tells himself. He screamed after, anyway.

He accompanied his grandma at the time of harvest in the late summer. The _heart_ is still barely ripe, yet it feels like the perfect time for Kiyoomi to harvest. He gaped at the ruddiest out of plums on their farm. 

_“Wow, ”_ he whispered, breathless.

He turned to call his grandma but she’s talking to a man who looks around in his late 50s. He shrugged. Probably just another customer. 

Kiyoomi jerked his head to the side after hearing a thud. His eyes glistened with both fear and shock when he saw a boy jumped from the tree after reaching for a plump, rubescent fruit—

_His plum!!!!_

“ _Hey!!!"_ Kiyoomi rushed. 

The boy carefully stood up and tapped the dirt out of his shirt.

Kiyoomi paused when a ray of light touched the boy's face and stared at him for seconds. _P-Pretty..._

“ _What_ ” the boy cocked a brow and maintained an impassive expression.

Kiyoomi snorted. _“What do you mean what? That’s my plum!!!!”_ He accused.

 _“I don't see yer name on it, though. Finders, keepers.”_ the boy shrugged and flashed a lazy smirk. 

Heat crawled up to Kiyoomi’s face. He suddenly heard his grandma’s voice saying whoever gets the _heart_ gets Kiyoomi. 

_“W-why...you...my ume...Grammaaaa!!!!!!”_ he screamed.

The boy hastily covered his ears. _“Geez, what a crybaby...here.”_ He reached to give the plum back to the panicking Kiyoomi.

 _“Osamu?”_ a man stood beside the boy he called Osamu.

 _“Oh, Mr. Miya, this is my grandson, Kiyoomi.”_ his grandma introduced. Her eyes landed on Osamu’s tiny hands, holding Kiyoomi’s treasured _ume._

 _Miya?_ He memorized. _Miya..._

Kiyoomi lifted his gaze and exchanged meaningful looks with his grandma. 

_“Osamu, what are you holding? I already bought us freshly picked plums. Give it back to Kiyoomi-kun.”_

Osamu sighs, defeated. _“I just thought it was pretty. And ‘Tsumu likes pretty and sweet things, dada. I want him to feel better so we could play again.”_

Kiyoomi pursed his lips, unsure of what to say. 

_“Y-you...you can keep it.”_

Osamu blinked. _“Really? Great!”_ his tone more cheerful.

Kiyoomi was baffled. He didn't know what to do. He spent his years waiting for and thinking about the rare tree and its fruit. But _what_ now?

Someone already had it and he’s now wondering if his grandma’s story is real. 

Is...Osamu really his _soulmate?_ Will he spend his lifetime with him? Did destiny actually entwine their paths? 

_He doesn’t know._

He kept thinking about it until a familiar face kept appearing in front of him in the next days.

 _“Hey,”_ Osamu greeted. He awkwardly raised his arm like ‘yo’ and Kiyoomi couldn’t help but chuckle. 

He met Osamu’s eyes with his curious stares. Kiyoomi has always been a night person. He doesn’t hate being under the sun, but he avoids it as much as he can—because it’s _too much_ . It’s too bright, too warm, too brazen. The heat gets too uncontrolled sometimes it burns him _raw_.

So he preferred the _night_ . The _dark_. The solace of achromatic hues. 

And Osamu’s pensive eyes resemble the nimbus clouds mysteriously covering the absoluteness of his skies. 

Kiyoomi felt the _comfort_ he brings _._ He liked Osamu’s company. 

_“My twin has been in the hospital for weeks already. Our parents don’t want to have him discharged until he’s completely fine.”_

Osamu told him that they’re only staying with their grandparents over the vacation. And how he and his twin named _Atsumu_ tried learning how to use a skateboard and Atsumu ended up spraining his ankle that’s why Osamu was left alone with his grandfather for a few days while their parents took care of Atsumu.

Kiyoomi also learned that between the twins, Atsumu was the one who usually gets sick, because after he got discharged from the hospital, he caught a fever and Osamu had to wait for him to get better again.

Until one day, Osamu invited Kiyoomi to their grandparents’ house. Osamu carefully peeked in, _“Tsumu?”_ he called.

 _“--amu??”_ Kiyoomi heard a faint voice before Osamu opened the bedroom door to let him in. Atsumu was comfortably lying on a queen-sized bed with stuffed toys resting beside him. _A-an angel?_

He looked... _fragile._ And for a moment Kiyoomi had this impulse to caress his rosy cheeks and wish him to get better.

His forehead creased. Why would he want to take care of a _stranger_ ? _Oh._ Maybe because Atsumu _is_ Osamu’s twin. He reminds him of Osamu. 

_Right_ . That should be the reason _._ But it’s not like he had the urge to take care of someone as strong and independent as Osamu. 

_Whatever._ Osamu may have told him things about his twin, but it doesn’t mean Kiyoomi should conclude what kind of person Atsumu is. 

_“Yeah, it’s me. I brought a friend. ‘Tsumu this is Kiyoomi-kun. Kiyoomi-kun, here’s my careless twin, Atsumu.”_

Atsumu’s lids flutter despite his grogginess over the flu tabs. He couldn’t get a good look on Kiyoomi’s face but he saw something remarkable.

He saw two moles lined vertically on the other’s forehead. _It’s distinct...and special._ Atsumu thought so. 

_“K...o-omi…kun...”_ He tried speaking his name but his raspy voice couldn’t pronounce it well.

Kiyoomi felt a bizarre sensation when he heard his name. He took notice of the difference between the twins’ eyes. They’re _different_ yet the _same_ in aspects Kiyoomi could barely put into words.

That same day, Kiyoomi had to leave Kansai to move to Tokyo. 

Osamu offered his hand. _“Well? I guess I’ll see ya later, Kiyoomi-kun.”_

Kiyoomi gave him a small smile before responding, _“Of course, you’re my soulmate after all.”_ Osamu looked confused but he just shook it off like Kiyoomi’s just teasing him. 

Somehow, Kiyoomi felt reluctant after dropping such words to Osamu. It doesn't kinda feel... _right._

But Osamu is his soulmate, _isn’t he? Probably._ If destiny weaves their threads again. _Probably._

_______

“ _Itachiyama._ You heard it right. They're inviting us to have a practice match with them.” Inarizaki’s coach informed the team. “This is a good opportunity for us to figure out a strategy if you want to beat them in Nationals.” 

The first years, Miya Atsumu, Miya Osamu, and Suna Rintaro felt exhilarated to play against THE Itachiyama. Even a practice match would be a good chance to spot their weakness.

Atsumu ponders about what could be waiting for them in Itachiyama’s territory. 

The Inarizaki VBC players arrived early at Itachiyama’s court. Atsumu’s eyes wandered while he’s doing his usual stretches beside his teammates. 

“Samu! Ya better not suck yer play, today. We gotta show ‘em that we're a powerhouse too!”

Osamu just looked at him with a blank expression. “Yeah, yeah. Do all of us a favour and just shut yer trap.” Aran and Ginjima laughed.

Atsumu grunted and the twins were fighting... _again._

Aran was about to scold them when the doors flew open and a bunch of tall boys in their bright shirts trod in. 

Atsumu froze when he saw the guy wearing a face mask eyeing them. Atsumu gulped when the guy lifted his brow and—

_Oh. Moles._

He eyed the two small moles perfectly displayed on the other’s forehead.

 _‘Have I seen him before?’_ Atsumu couldn't pinpoint whether he’s met the guy or he's just imagining things. But _the moles._ He’s pretty sure he’s seen something like those before. 

Atsumu’s bubble of thought popped when Osamu muttered,

“Kiyoomi-kun.” 

Atsumu’s mouth went agape when a bell rang in mind

“Omi!” Atsumu exclaimed and everyone in the gym turned to him. He blushed and apologized to them.

The others went back to their businesses—except for Kiyoomi. He’s glued on his ground and Komori noticed how his cousin turned stiff. 

“You okay?” Komori worried. 

“Y-yeah…” 

_He’s not._

“Samu! He’s Omi-kun, right?” Kiyoomi heard it again.

_Omi. Omi-kun._

The night Atsumu called his name with his weak voice, Kiyoomi had it stuck in his ears like a tape loop playing on repeat.

But _he ignored it_ despite recognizing how the Atsumu before him is different from the vulnerable Atsumu laying on the bed when they were eleven. 

_And oh._ Osamu, too.

He smiled at the thought of seeing his comforting grey eyes once again. He’s convinced. _Osamu_ is his soulmate. 

“Hey.” Osamu stretched his arms, implying a hug, but Kiyoomi just stayed in his place. Osamu laughed.

“Still not a person of affectionate gestures, eh?” Osamu teased. “Are ya still gonna stand there like you’ve never met yer _soulmate_ again?” 

Kiyoomi was surprised. He didn't even think Osamu took his words seriously in the past.

His feet moved against his will and he let himself snared in Osamu’s arms. Atsumu, Komori, and Suna had all the same dumbfounded look on their faces. 

Kiyoomi sighed in relief. What was he so hesitant about? This is Osamu. The first friend he had and Komori’s not counted simply because he's _family._

This is _Miya_ Osamu we're talking about. The one who harvested his heart out from his utopia—the plum farm where his destiny was decided. The moment the seeds were planted, the moment the buds spurted, the moment the flowers bloomed and fruits ripen. From there on, he _waited_. 

Until his _ume_ was plucked without notice. But he’s Miya Osamu anyway. 

And he’s Sakusa Kiyoomi’s _comfort zone_.

While he’s in Osamu’s embrace, his eyes roamed until he halted on a pair of gleaming caramel eyes. Atsumu smiled.

 _Ahh...that’s right._ Osamu’s the comfort zone. And Atsumu…

He was everything _beyond_ that. 

_______

16-year-old Kiyoomi was rooted to his spot when he realized Atsumu was the only one invited to the youth camp. 

_‘What is wrong with you, Kiyoomi? What the fuck are you doing?’_ Kiyoomi can’t stop cursing himself. 

Where’s Osamu? How can he get a grip when his _comfort_ isn’t here?

One glance at Atsumu and he’s _losing_ his shit. 

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

His heart raced. The pressure on his chest was intolerable so he turned to leave. 

“Omi-kun, wait!” He sprinted towards him and impulsively pulled Kiyoomi’s arm to stop him from getting away.

Kiyoomi gasped. He hastily snatched his arm from Atsumu’s touch. 

_Fuck._

_Osamu_ ...where’s Osamu? He _needs_ Osamu! 

Atsumu flickered. “I-I’m sorry—”

“What is it, _Miya?”_ He made sure he used a bitter tone to emphasize his dislike for him. 

“I—well, Omi-kun, I—” _why are you making this hard for me, Atsumu?_

“What?!” Kiyoomi snapped. The other flinched in panic. 

_“I-I like y-you, Omi-kun.”_ Atsumu’s lips trembled as the words he’s been wanting to say slipped out of his mouth. “Actually... I think I love you, Omi-kun.”

Kiyoomi’s totality fell into a _frenzy_. His breathing fluctuated. 

_Control. Control..._

_He can't._

”Y-you’re crazy.” _No, I am. “_ Why...why would you…”

 _Why?_ What did someone as _perfect_ as Atsumu see in him? Of all people he could love so wildly, why did it have to be Kiyoomi? 

“You _can’t—_ ”

“Why not?” Atsumu’s bloodshot eyes remained on Kiyoomi’s memory. His mouth opened but words failed to come out so he dampened his protruding lips instead.

“Omi-kun, am I...am I not enough? Why do you hate me so much?” Atsumu’s voice came hoarsely. The way his face contorted into an expression of something Kiyoomi has never seen before.

Atsumu, the twilight after hours of absolute blackness. Atsumu, the one who set the torch ablaze in his cave of despondency. Atsumu…

He’s the daylight Kiyoomi has shunned with great _effort_ . _Too bright, too warm, too brazen._ He doesn't hate it. _God,_ he never did...

He _feared_ it, 

Because it _burns_ Kiyoomi raw. 

_‘Grandma, I thought I gave my heart to someone already. But why...why is it still here and is being torn into pieces by someone I never needed?’_

He never needed Miya Atsumu when he’s got Miya Osamu from the beginning. He’s okay with it, he’s content having his _calm_ beside him, the gust of wind keeping him company. 

But _why_? 

In the depths of his madness, something screams. 

_He wants—_

“No, _Atsumu_. You’re enough—more than enough, even. But you’re...too much for me.” 

_Ahh...that’s right._

The twins are different yet the same in the ways they have made Kiyoomi feel. 

And Atsumu...Atsumu is the vastness outside his compass. 

He makes Kiyoomi taste the vehemence he never needed. Atsumu makes him _want._ Atsumu makes him _crave._ Atsumu makes him _fanatical_ and;

He, who loves control, abhors extremity. 

Atsumu is an immense foreign zone outside his familiarity.. He loves too deeply, cares too softly. 

And he’s _scared._ He’s _petrified_ to cross the grey line, surrendering his sanity just to see what’s _beyond_ the comfort zone. 

He doesn't want to leave his pensive nimbus clouds behind. He doesn’t want to let go of the cold breeze in the gloom of his ghost town. ‘Cause once he’s _lost_ it, it’s _gone_. 

_No more turning back._

_______

“Osamu-san, how does it feel playing against your _boyfriend_ as a rival to the Nationals? You better not go easy on him or else—” Osamu snorted from their libero’s statement.

It’s their final game on the Nationals in their third year. _Of course,_ Osamu won’t spare anyone mercy. 

“An opponent is an opponent. We’ll win this one, right ‘Tsumu?” Osamu claimed. 

Atsumu understood his similarity with his twin. It’s the _hunger_ for victory. It’s the greed for great things and Kiyoomi was one of them. 

_‘You’ve already won since you had him. What’s more to lose?’_ Atsumu spat in his mind. 

Just as many have predicted, Itachiyama bagged all feats and has reigned over the feral foxes until the end.

_Ahh...that’s right._

Kiyoomi has reigned over the ferocity of the _Miya_ twins. And in an ill-fated circumstance, he’s ruled over their _hearts_ too. 

_______

“Atsumu…” Komori gave him a smile so delicate yet desperate. The ends of his lips didn't reach his eyes. He caressed Atsumu’s back and muttered reassuring words.

Atsumu felt his nails digging into his palms as he witnessed how Osamu clasped a bunch of flowers signifying love and purity. 

Oh, how he loved to hold them. How he wished to hold _him._

Osamu walked towards where Kiyoomi is. Atsumu choked. His chest is congested, his throat is parched, and his vertigo starts to kick in. 

The torment became unbearable enough, making his whole body shiver in woe. Komori couldn’t bear watching Atsumu dry sobbing anymore. He instinctively nodded, giving him the permission to go. 

Komori swallowed. _‘Kiyoomi, you broke him...again.’_

Atsumu sat on a bench by a broad tree; feeling sick and torpid. 

Osamu is _there_ with _him,_ so Atsumu is certain Kiyoomi’s gonna be alright.

_Isn’t he?_

He _should_ be. He never left his comfort zone, anyway. He stayed in his sanctuary, all cozy under his blanket of tranquillity. Atsumu wished he’s laying beside Kiyoomi, receiving his warmth and returning his affection. Atsumu wanted to hold him too, _for eternity._

But Kiyoomi chose his _peace._ And Atsumu is conflicted about whether he should be happy for him. 

_Probably not._ He’s selfish and selfless. He’s never been the ‘in-between’. Right now, his desire and longing are in control. 

_‘Fucking comfort. Have I never been his source of comfort?’_

He pondered on the fallen blossoms scattered on the ground with his lacklustre eyes. The filament of his incandescent self has burned out ultimately. And Atsumu’s hope has gone stale. Kiyoomi’s lingering taste has slowly dissipated from the corners of his mouth.

All _lifeless._ All _faded_. 

“Atsumu…” 

Atsumu’s head lifted after hearing _his_ voice. A man in his exquisite suit stood before him. And he looked so _ethereal._ Kiyoomi looked so breathtaking, Atsumu thinks it’s surreal—to have him right here, right now. Who _needs_ memories? He’s ready to throw away his _damn_ memories for this moment, even if it only lasts a minute, a second. Atsumu would live for the short duration of hope, of chance. 

“O-omi...Omi-kun _…_ ” why is he _here?_ Isn’t he supposed to be with _everyone_ _else_? Where’s Komori? Suna? 

_Osamu?_

Atsumu stood tall despite his uproar crawling in. He met Kiyoomi’s intense gaze. His emotions are the vast ocean in high tide compelling to swamp the shore with massive waves. It’s overwhelming. It’s creeping into every inch of his body. 

_He can’t breathe._

A mild puff of wind passed between them. No one dared to break the silence. Both of them are afraid of what else could break once they set foot on the grey line; once they meet on the shoreline; once—

“I _love_ you, Atsumu.”

For the first time, Kiyoomi crossed the line he drew to touch Atsumu; to finally succumb to his madness. 

At that moment, Atsumu was reminded of how delicate Kiyoomi’s lips felt, how sweet their love tastes like. Their mouths moved in sync; motions Kiyoomi finds natural. It’s as if Atsumu is the natural calamity bringing chaos to Kiyoomi’s earthly realm. He _can’t_ be stopped. He’s tried to protect himself from destruction, but whatever he does, he will _always_ yield to him. 

Atsumu gripped the fabric covering Kiyoomi’s chest and—

_Ahh...that’s why._

The image of a younger Kiyoomi appeared before him. 

_Kiyoomi pulled out of their kiss only to see Atsumu in his disarray. He knows he’s put Atsumu in such a state. He knows._

_Kiyoomi has always thought Osamu was pretty. The way he took care of Kiyoomi, the way he kept him stable, the way he loved Kiyoomi. He was composed and serene. He was as simple as basic arithmetic operations Kiyoomi can solve with finesse._

_That’s why._

_It was easy for Kiyoomi to convince himself that Osamu was his soulmate. The one he needs to spend his lifetime with. It was easy to take a liking to Osamu._

_Kiyoomi’s gaze fell from Atsumu’s intoxicated eyes to his wet and plump lips—so beautiful it reminds him of his cordate, luscious plum. His heart._

_Atsumu is a whole different story. A conversation Kiyoomi wasn’t ready to talk about. Atsumu’s a plague. He’s inebriated by his words, his stares, his touch._

_If Osamu was pretty, Atsumu should be pretty too, right? They’re twins after all._

_But no…_

_Atsumu is bewitching. He’s enthralling and enchanting and captivating and anything synonymous to it._

_And Kiyoomi’s tempted._

_He’s tempted to return everything Atsumu has invested._

In a luggage full of belongings, which one weighs heavier? The one Kiyoomi needs?

Or the one Kiyoomi wants?

_“What do you want?!” Kiyoomi spat after pulling his mask down._

_“I want to hold your hand, I want to see your face the moment I close my eyes, the moment I wake up. I want to play volleyball with you until we can’t feel our limbs anymore. I want to kiss you and hug you and—”_

_“Let it go, Atsumu. Let me go, ” Kiyoomi begged._

_“But Omi...I want you.” Atsumu let out under his breath._

_Fuck._

_Fangs as sharp as Atsumu’s statements can nip Kiyoomi’s life out of him._

_“Atsumu, I'm engaged. You can’t...you can’t do this.” Atsumu’s shoulders collapsed._

_"Don't see me again. I'm getting married soon. So please...stop."_ _Kiyoomi doesn’t know if he’s convincing Atsumu_

_Or himself._

_“I want you…”_

_“You can’t.”_

_All restraint let loose when his lips met Atsumu’s. Kiyoomi lost control when Atsumu clutched the black collar of his mustard team jacket. His knees trembled as his world came to a complete halt._

_Fucking hell._

_He saw how Atsumu looked at his eyes with nothing but pure compassion and zeal and Kiyoomi was damned._

_The sight of love from Atsumu’s eyes made Kiyoomi drop his firm hold of his words and rationale and just let himself melt into Atsumu’s kiss._

“Tsumu…?”

Atsumu jolted from his recurring flashbacks and Kiyoomi’s gentle caresses when he heard a voice behind him.

Atsumu swivelled and he was welcomed by a man who looked exactly like him in a white suit. Osamu’s face turned pale. 

“S-samu…” Atsumu didn’t know what to do or what to say after Osamu caught him and Kiyoomi kissing.

Raindrops started drizzling from Osamu’s nimbus eyes. Atsumu wanted to beat himself after seeing his twin, completely clouded. 

“S-samu, I...I’m—” tears gathered and his vision turned blurry.

Osamu gaped in pain and disbelief. Atsumu’s breaths became shallow. 

“Tsumu...why…” Osamu looked so vexed.

Atsumu bit his lip until it bleeds. He should tell Osamu everything, right? Kiyoomi said he loves Atsumu, that means he’s choosing him, right? Kiyoomi left Osamu’s side to follow him, right? Does that mean their engagement is called off? Does that mean Atsumu finally has the chance to have him? 

That means it not yet over for them if Kiyoomi loves him—

“W-why are ya speaking alone, Tsumu?” Osamu plastered the back of his palm against his mouth.

“...huh?” He blinked. Atsumu was _stupefied_. What? 

“What are you…” Atsumu’s head went blank before he could even ask Osamu what he meant. 

“Tsumu...he’s _gone…_ ” Osamu wept.

“ _Huh?_ Gone? He’s behind me Samu—”

“Come with me...don’t you want to see him one last time? Please, Tsumu...” Osamu handed the flowers to his twin. 

“No...Samu, we...we were just talking! He just told me he loves me. Right? Right Omi-kun?” He waited for a response from the Kiyoomi behind him.

“Tsumu…” Osamu's tough walls shattered like glass as he looked at his twin breaking down in front of him.

Atsumu aggressively turned to see Kiyoomi but—

_Silence._

There was no one behind him. Only Atsumu and Osamu. 

No sight of Sakusa Kiyoomi.

The idea of seeing Kiyoomi marry someone else _hurts_ Atsumu. But the reality of seeing Kiyoomi in his burial _obliterates_ him. 

Osamu pulled his brother into his _comfort_ as the last conversation he had with Kiyoomi resurfaced in his mind.

_Osamu was lost in thoughts as he peered at the ring on his finger. He had a rough day managing his Onigiri Miya branch in Tokyo. He was exhausted, but he’s happy nonetheless. He loves what he does._

_“Japan’s Men’s Volleyball team has, once again, dominated this season! Another win for Japan!” Osamu glanced at the television. He smiled when Atsumu appeared on the screen and Kiyoomi’s face was also shown for a few seconds._

_“Hey,” Osamu immediately gave Kiyoomi a warm embrace once he spotted him outside his store. He’s supposed to be closing now, but he was waiting for Kiyoomi and planned to eat supper with him._

_He scanned his fiancé’s face. Kiyoomi looked… dishevelled. It’s bothering Osamu because Kiyoomi has never looked this lost._

_“Osamu…” Kiyoomi’s tone made him anxious._

_“What’s wrong?” Kiyoomi told him everything._

_Everything._

_Osamu stiffened and his lips pursed. The ring gleamed amid their hush. He smiled bitterly as he removed it from his finger._

_“Osamu...I’m—I’m sorry… I-I don’t know what’s wrong with me but…”_

_“You thought I was your soulmate?” Kiyoomi looked in Osamu’s eyes. The grey eyes he has always adored._

_Kiyoomi has stayed in and with his comfort zone for a long time. He has completely isolated himself and that’s why he fell into chaos when Atsumu made him feel intensely, passionately._

_“I did.” he swallowed the lump in his throat. “Osamu, I am and will always be grateful that I’ve met you. I liked you and loved you as the person you are; the person who gave me peace and comfort. You kept me whole and stable. But I never realized how I wanted to be loved fiercely and madly until I met Atsumu.” Kiyoomi confessed._

_“My grandma once told me whoever gets to taste the sweetness of ume is the one I’d end up with. Funny, isn't it? But I pursued you not because of that, I pursued you because you’re Miya Osamu. And you’re important to me.”_

_Osamu gazed at him lightheartedly. “Ume? The one I plucked from your farm?” Kiyoomi nodded._

_Osamu shook his head after a staggering realization._

_“_ ** _Fool_. **_You_ _and Atsumu...you’re both_ **_fools_** _._ _” Osamu chuckled. Kiyoomi brows formed a straight line._

 _“Didn’t I say Atsumu loved pretty and sweet things?_ _Lucky for him I got home with a freshly picked plum that day. Apparently, it was barely ripe and perfect enough for me to make an umeboshi. I've never seen him so happy after being sick for weeks. And let me tell you this, my brother savoured the sweetness of it, Kiyoomi. Atsumu_ **_loved_ ** _every bite of it.” Osamu remembered his twin eating umeboshi with pure bliss._

_Kiyoomi was bewildered. Hearing it from Osamu turned his world upside down._

_So, Atsumu...was the one who ate the plum? That means Atsumu is—_

_“Ya know, Kiyoomi? I’m willing to give up anything for my brother._ **_Even you._ ** _” Osamu’s pain was visible in his eyes yet he managed to compose himself like he always did._

_Kiyoomi was speechless; completely baffled._

_“Go. Get your_ **_soulmate_ ** _, Kiyoomi. Go get my twin.” Osamu expressed a genuine smile._

 _Kiyoomi’s mind was only filled with Atsumu. He finally dared to step outside his comfort zone. And somehow, knowing that Atsumu is his soulmate finally sounds_ **_right._ **

**_And he feels at ease._ ** _Kiyoomi only thought Atsumu was a ‘want’. But now he’s certain Atsumu is whom he both_ **_wanted_ ** _and_ **_needed_ ** _. The one who took up the space in his heart. He finally understood that peace can also be found in chaos._

_Kiyoomi gave his ex fiancé one last glimpse before he fled. For a brief moment, Osamu wished he had eaten the plum instead. Or maybe he shouldn’t have plucked it in the first place because it wasn’t really meant for him._

_If Osamu didn’t invite Kiyoomi to meet Atsumu that day, would things turn out different? Would Kiyoomi still spend his life with him?_

_He sobbed._

Atsumu’s shoulders started to shake. “Samu...he was just here. Believe me, Samu…” he pleaded. 

Osamu was waiting for Kiyoomi to call him that night, saying that he finally got Atsumu. But the news he received was heart-wrenching. 

That night, instead of meeting with Atsumu, Kiyoomi met with an accident. 

“Tsumu...I should be the one apologizing.” Osamu gripped on his brother’s coat and blamed himself for this tragedy. If he had acknowledged his brother’s feelings for Kiyoomi, they should've been happy now.

But what can he do? Osamu only _loved._ The three of them only _loved._ And now they’ve _lost ._

Kiyoomi was afraid of sacrificing his comfort zone to see what's beyond it. But the moment he decided to step out of his comfort and cross over the grey line, 

He got lost. 

Maybe Atsumu was right. Happy ending is a fraud because Sakusa Kiyoomi failed at two things that night: 

One, fulfilling his promise to marry Osamu and;

Two, breaking that promise to be with Atsumu.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read this! I just wanna say that I love this ship and fandom so much.
> 
> I wanted to write about yearning for something (or someone) you believed unattainable. I want to let you know that staying in your comfort zones might feel good, but one day you will have to come out of it, conquer your fears, and pursue what you want. Regret is a very strong feeling and no one would want to end up with it because of the chances we didn’t take. 
> 
> So go...get lost outside of your comfort zones and you’ll eventually find the better, stronger, and wiser version of yourself. 
> 
> Again, thank you for reading this! I really appreciate it.


End file.
